by Alan Somers
The plan was quite simple; Jack and his sister were to meet in the foyer exactly twenty-five minutes after their parents retired to bed. Once they heard the sound of Santa arriving, Jack would snap the photo and the two siblings would sprint back upstairs to their beds. The next day they’d upload their treasure to a shared MySpace page and await the glorious paparazzi wealth to pour in. Unfortunately, what amounted for the Turner children was a wealth of bashings from Dr. Turner as they discovered the true identity of St. Nick, the immoderately stressed allopathic physician, (AKA dad).
Alan Somers is a Chicago-based writer for "The Onion" and is honored to be writing our very first REJECTED MEMOIR.
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